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This journal is no longer maintained. For all past and current updates, please see my Dreamwidth account @ http://nikoshinigami.dreamwidth.org/

If you are looking for a particular story, you can check my website, Obsession and Insanity, at Spectrum Void. All my fanworks are available at fanfiction.net while my newer works can be also be found at Archive of Our Own.

Cheers,
~Niko

Vignette One - Elle

I didn't care about her--what she thought, what she felt, what she knew. What she thought she knew. My consideration for her existence at all was the same as for the tuna sandwich I had for lunch: they both existed, they both played into my day, and regardless of any actions I made after the fact, it was all going to end up as shit in the end. Elle was disposable and worthless. Elle thought she was the greatest thing that had ever entered into Danny's life. Danny treated her like a princess. They both made me ill.

Sitting on the wax-stuck couch, Elle picked at loose threads on the armrest, crossed leg jumping at the ankle where a gold chain swayed. Her tan had rubbed off at the thong of her olive flip-flop, orange peel revealing its rind. From my spot on the floor I could see up her skirt without any effort at all. It wasn't long enough to even cast a decent shadow. White cotton. It was an interesting place to find her first redeeming quality.

Continue...Collapse )

What happened last Thursday and Today

Okay. An exsplination... ::deep breath::

Last thursday Alica came over with Darren. Darren lives at the apartment I've visited twice and stayed up till 9am both times. I was suprised they were both there and without Missy since I've never seen them outside her company. So Darren comes in my room and sits on my bed and Alica doesn't even come in. She leaves. So I'm all wierd cause there's this guy I've only met twice, don't know his name at this point, sitting on my bed in my room alone with me. So he starts talking about how some girl just rejected him and he feels like hurting himself and that I can understand him. So I figure he's just here for some advice and for someone to listen to him. So I sit down next to him and listen to him talking about this girl who broke his heart. Next thing I know he's teling me he's in love with me and feels sorry for me cause my girlfriend doesn't treat me like I should be treated and that I need someone to sweep me off my feet and do things to me no one's ever done. I'm kinda hurt and freaked at the same time. He's telling me he doesn't know what he'll do if he gets regected another time this night and somehow I end up laying on my bed with him stradling me and holding my hands up by my head. He's asking me to be his girlfriend, to let him kiss me and show me everything I've been missing out on. I'm scared. And he tries to kiss me and I keep turning my head and am so close to crying I've got tears in my eyes but I don't want to hurt his feelings and yell at him to leave me alone. He's telling me about his penis and how he's study the erotic centers on the femal body and I'm just wanting him to leave cause I don't care and I'm so scared I'm shaking and he's kinda smiling and asking why I'm trembling and just... I can see the IM box and Karyx is there and I'm just hopeing he leaves me alone so I can go back to her cause that's all I want to do. So finaly he leaves. No kiss on my lips though he kissed my face, no touching outside playing in my hair. I just locked my door and hoped he wouldn't come back. Ever. And thought it would be best not to say anything cause Karyx was already having a bad time. I knew she'd probably be upset and I didn't want her to be upset with me for being timid and not just telling him to get off me and go away. I'm really bad at being able to do that. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, especialy after he was feeling like shit and wanted to hurt himself.

So... he came back over today. While Karyx was gone. I was in the middle of putting stuff on my walls and was watching the Neverending Story. I was soo happy that I had stuff to occupy myself with. He took three buses to get here to see me. He sat on the bed and watched me do my walls up and I talked about the movies and stuff. I mentioned waiting for Karyx to come back and he started bad mouthing her again and I just went off on how great she was and that I didn't care if everyone else though she didn't treat me well enough, I know she cares about me and that's all that matters. Just becuase we havn't kissed or even hugged really or done anything everyone else thinks we should have, it doesn't mean she doesn't like me. He said she was a kid who didn't know what she felt for me and I was just going to get hurt and damnit, he kept saying things that hurt and finaly I just said "Well, ya know what, she's my girlfriend and my best friend regardless and I like her." and he found an excuse to leave and my Karyx came on line and I made sure he realised how giddy that made me. So I broke the guys heart which made me feel bad but no one disses my girl and he wasn't keeping me away from her this time.

So, yeah, that's what all happened. I'm not very pleased with the way I handled the first encounter but the second time I was exspecting it so I think I handled it much better.

Yeah, and now I'm rethinking the whole bisexual thing cause I was grosed out with the idea of kissing him. Maybe it's just him or maybe being in that kind of setting with a guy just really doesn't appeal to me.

::glomps Karyx:: Don't be upset with me, please.... I handled it well the second time. I just didn't know what to do and I was scared the first time. and I just didn't want you to worry about me living here and I was too freaked to talk about it at first too.... I was like Surge with Ethan. Another one of those damn moments in my life when I get to play Surge's part in something. And nothing happened. He just scared the hell out of me and grosed me out. ::huggle:: Please don't be upset with me...